Thursday, Dec. 18, 2025, was the last day before my supposed vacation started, which is today, as I write this.
I felt like I was slogging through the mud, just trying to get through it. I felt like I wasn’t doing a good enough job. I felt like a mess, like I wasn’t getting done what i was supposed to be getting done. My dad and I reflected some about our lousy year, which wasn’t uplifting though there was something satisfying about being open about it.
Amidst that yuckiness, I had some huge wins yesterday. I finished the second of two of year’s biggest deals this week. My dad and I talked about gratitude and both of our growth. We had some hard conversations about our business approach that we often avoid. We didn’t solve anything, but at least uncomfortable thoughts were exchanged.
One of the best parts of the day was calling a dealer I had meant to call the last few months. He gave me the nudge I needed when he texted me that he was looking for Citizens. Two or three years ago he had referred us to some Traub TNL12 machines for sale from 2005. Hard to believe but we finally sold them this year for a nice profit—that’s the used machinery business. I loved getting to tell him out of the blue that he should invoice us for a commission of some substantial money. We didn’t have to do it, which maybe made it feel extra good. We talked about working together in future, and the importance of being generous in business.
Later I corresponded with some people on LinkedIn who i plan to connect with at the beginning of the year, who had messaged me when they saw a beautiful Willemin we had for sale.
Then after work I got to be with Stephanie and our son Abe (now 3.5 years old) for a very pleasant dinner. After dinner I guided Abe to unscrew the battery compartment for a toy rocket ship his grandparents had given him for Hanukah. Unfortunately he loves the rocket too much, and it took Stephanie and I at least an hour to calm him down. We finally got him to sleep by 9:00, rather than his normal bedtime of 8:00. Then we watched the hilarious Hulu show, The Great, for over an hour.
Then I wrote in my diary, which I’ve done almost every night for the past seven years.
Keeping a diary has been a very powerful experience for me throughout the years. At first I did it just to remember the things I did each day, so I could realize my life meant something—so it wasn’t just a blur that melted away. But as the years have gone by it’s been more purposeful.
While writing, I thought about the great things that happened that day. The achievements and the precious relationships that had become so vivid in my brain.
Much of the day I was living in the Gap, a concept I learned about this year when I listened to the awesome book, The Gap and the Gain.
The book defines Gap thinking as focusing on the negatives in your life—your failures and your bad luck. This opposes living in the Gain, which means celebrating your wins and realizing the positives in your life. The book isn’t just about being grateful for your achievements and blessings, it encourages ambition and goal setting. Its thesis is that you have the power to create your past, making it into something that empowers you rather than paralyzes you.
Today I went back to entries from around the same day for the last five years. Though I also saw struggles, I wrote less about the Gap. I don’t think that was because I was more grateful or life was easier back then, it was because I had less momentum towards finding my direction. I had less momentum for making big changes in my life, and having hard conversations to make that happen.
I know I need to minimize my Gap thinking as much as possible, but at the same time I am embracing the messiness that comes with growth. And a 3-1/2-year old boy.
Question: What mess are you embracing in 2026?
