I recently received a note from a friend telling me that Notre Dame had just terminated its intramural tackle football league. It was the last college in the country to have one.
He had fond memories of putting on hand-me-down uniforms of famous varsity players. It was a way the kids in the halls bonded and developed a commitment to the university. To me, one of the saddest things about modern day life for the young and old, particularly men, is the lack of friendships.
As a kid, I played baseball in the park across the street and in Little League. I also looked for outdoor basketball games to play 3 on 3.
When we bought a home and moved to the suburbs, I fulfilled a childhood dream, putting in a cement basketball half court with a fiberglass backboard in our backyard. The Fogarty family, whose boys were Risa’s students, put it in. They were concrete contractors. Forty years later, I still stare out at it every day.
We used to have weekend games with local friends and acquaintances.
Playing sports ties people together. It can aid in developing lifelong relationships. My friend Jerry Levine and I played softball together for years in the Jewish Community Center league. Eventually our sons joined the team and pulled in their friends (see photo). For all of us it was a wonderful bonding experience.
When my sons came out to our home last week, they pulled me out on the basketball court to shoot hoops with them and my grandson, who was learning to shoot. I was reluctant to go because of bad knees, poor vision, and screwed up rotator cuff, but how could I refuse that kind of invitation.
Risa took Taekwondo for 23 years and became a 4th Degree Black Belt and world champion at 50. She still longs to do it at 72. Now she’s coaching my 7-year-old grandson as he acquires more and more sophistication. His father is teaching him how to work out and lift weights.
In today’s environment of TikTok and texting, developing in-person friendships is becoming a thing of the past. Team building is for the few who separate themselves, play on the elite teams, receive coaching and travel the tournament circuit. For the learner, the novice, the happy amateur, there are fewer and fewer opportunities to bond as they get older. I think it’s a pity.
Question: What in-person social activities do you enjoy doing or enjoyed doing in the past?
5 Comments
I loved street games with the neighborhood kids. SPUD, Kick ball, Wiffleball. All summer we rode our bikes around like a mini Schwinn Gang. Now a 50+ a few neighborhood ladies have decided to take up pickleball. We are loving it and I feel like a kid again, minus my banana seat.
Every Thursday at 5pm I join my other 60+ aged bicycle riders in a group named TNT (Thursday Night Thrills) for a 25-30 mile route. I plan my week around it as much as I can. In 4 weeks will be joining 20,000+ other bicycle riders for a week-long ride across Iowa, the 50th year celebration of RAGBRAI.
In the 70s and 80s, and into the 90s, there was a thriving autocross scene in the San Francisco Bay area. There were local clubs and, eventually a large Sports Car Club of America regional program. You could bring your car out to more than 30 events per year. I made lots of friends, both in our small clubs and the other regional members when we spent almost a whole day at the parking lots, competing. Lack of sites for events has taken it’s toll. Almost all events are now in the Central Valley, several hours of towing or driving away, and back. The aging of the automotive enthusiasts is also an issue.
Grew up playing B-ball with my brother on the exact concrete court in this blog.
It was great because of the diversity. Neighborhood old friends, school friends, and a “diverse” cast of characters, several of whom with police records (not joking!). They would never have wanted to play with us, but it was our court so we all did and it was fun! And I was probably the worst player, but looking back it was great!
Played basketball in Indiana as a high school freshman. Saw the team picture recently and posted it to our high school group, named every player, manager and coach from almost 50yrs ago. I could have a fun conversation with any of those guys today.
Focused on music for the rest of my high school years. Those relationships also shared sweat, pain, success and loss, and have held up even better for some reason.
I don’t have a societal perspective on lack of male friendships. I do wish that I had friends. My wife and I are both in that boat together, at least.